The South-west corner of Yukon

20170808_095602_Burst01It was hard to leave Haines because I was comfortable there. Going into Canada, without even a decent map was like going off the edge of the earth. I had 74 miles of EV, the most the car had ever charged to. The road at first wasn’t bad but it was a very long road and I was often impatient and bored despite the beauty.

I made it as far as a government campground (12$ Canadian before I even had to think about the rate of exchange.) Here the bitey flies and bees made for an imperfect stay but at least there was the Million Dollar Falls (more like 100 Dollar Falls if truth be told.) I set up camp with all my bear fears surrounding me—I peed the perimeter, slept with the car alarm, the bear mace, my walking stick and my faithful dog and a neighbor not far away. I carefully laid out everything I would need to reach emergently in the dark but in the long sunset and later the faux dark I realized this far north it doesn’t really get dark. I set my alarm for midnight but the moon was still out, doing a very low Southern arc, but after that it was still light out and before 4am I looked at the clock since I was having so much trouble sleeping with it being so light. I finally wrapped my eyes in my scarf and got a little more sleep.


In Haines Junction I decided to go wimp after seeing the buff young guys at the Backpackers Hostel. I just wasn’t up for it. My motel was 85$ Canadian and 69$ US. A budget buster but good night’s sleep. This morning my mosquito bites are less insistent and the view out the window is peaceful but the sounds of the Alcan Highway out front remind me that I have an hour to vacate and take up the road again. Three weeks more of travel and I feel burned out from driving and living out of the car. I’m sitting this hour with my reality… sniffing the sweet air and grounding with what is rather than some negative projection. This could be my last great adventure.

Yesterday Selk and I had two short hikes, one up to the rocks at the front end of an ancient glacier (edge of Kluane National Park) and the next along the Dezadeash River walking distance from the motel and the pub where I had dinner.





Haines, Alaska (with a visit to Skagway)


This area has been settled by the matrilineal Tlingit for 8000 years. The town sits in a (currently) tranquil fiord and gently responds to tourists and changing seasons. The channel here does not support docking of multiple cruise ships so there is less attendant consumer economy on shore but still plenty of access to the things that support a comfortable life style.

I got a bed in a hostel cabin for 25$ a night and the owner welcomed Selkie. His 11 and 13 year old sons help maintain the place so things are unevenly managed but the price is right and I have no complaints.


(Above is NOT my lodging. It is Fort Seward, from the bad old days of dispute with Canada.)

On Day One I explored out toward Battery Point but didn’t quite make it. It wasn’t just my complaining knee but also my fear of bears that turned me around when I got to a meadow dense with cow parsnip and lots of large animal sign. Just after that a young man whisked through on his way back to start sourdough at the bakery where he works. He had seen a pod of dolphin and was in a great mood and said I should walk out with him next time so I wouldn’t feel alone and he told me how to find him. IMG_2528

I visited stores and cafes and had sweet little conversations everywhere I went. ‘Even found an art exhibit with little peace flags, pussy hats and little felted demonstrator grannies with big tennis shoes.


Lastly I followed the Chilcoot River out to the lake and saw this little bear fishing at the weir.


That evening the only FM station was playing Chopin. The sun came out and I got some beautiful photos of the area. I was as elated as the young man who’d seen dolphins. IMG_2597

Day 2 On my Fast Ferry trip to Skagway with Selkie I had a very dog-centric experience. Of the thousands of people visiting that commercial tourism center I’d say a quarter of the ones I got within 20 feet of wanted to comment on or pet the dog. I think she liked it but it was exhausting for me.


The only parts of the town I enjoyed was a relatively quiet outdoor salad and seeing salmon swimming their ancient way upstream in the little creek paralleling town.


Day 3 was my last day to piece together the (accessible) geography experientially. Today I went out the Mud Flat Road to Chilkat State Park, which is less visited that the Chilcoot inlet on the other side of town. From there I could see the incredible hanging Rainbow Glacier with the grand waterfall below it as well as dolphin and bald eagle.


I drove up the Chilkat inlet later in the day, on the Haines Highway I will take when leaving town, I saw no more eagles but there were miles and miles of incredible scenery. So much so that I had to stop and rest from grandeur fatigue.






The Malaspina

The northern migration of this ferry has been noteworthy from my own experience as a human traveler and from my experience as a dog owner.

We sat in a warm sun in Bellingham for about three hours cued up in parallel lines of funky and fit looking Alaska bound vehicles. Once aboard Selkie had to stay with the car in the “car park” which is really the belly of the ship. It is loud and shuttery from the huge diesel engines but also stuffy with no natural light or air circulation.

Lugging three days of sleeping gear, clothes, food and stuff to do up about two flights of stairs was a hurdle for me. I settled in the “aft” part of the ship near a window, in a corner… your typical Crab place to hide. Upstairs the adventurers had set up tents in the open air, anchored with rope and tape. Others were set out on the Solarium which is covered and open air but apparently heated. Other folks without cabins settled in other little outposts around the ship. There are probably 400 of us wandering souls compacted loosely through the steel fabric of this vessel.

The first morning I was awakened before 6am by a couple who shared my spacious room, there were about 6 of us… they were talking in normal voices… so the day started and it was gray and has remained gray with various lightening, mist and heavy rain. We were in Canadian waters, still hadn’t cleared Vancouver Island but on Alaska time.


I made it my business to roam everywhere, watch old movies, walk a mile (8 laps of the deck) and on that day we also had 3 car park 15 min breaks to go down and walk dogs since there were no ports til Ketchikan. Dog owners would hover by the stairs, race to their pets… Selkie was clearly dismayed by the experience of being penned in the car alone but she kept a good appetite and peed if I let her off the leash. Those little breaks went far too fast and I was greatly concerned for her well being.

There were nice connections on the ship—a woman from New York, a couple from near Portland, another woman from near Fairbanks… Most people were in couples or family groups. I felt alone but not lonely, completed Turning Fear into Power, One Woman’s Journey Confronting the War on Terror by Linda Sartor, crocheted, even got to lose a game of Gin Rummy.

Yesterday when we entered Alaskan waters there were stops in Ketchikan, Wrangell and Petersburg. Selkie got to walk on terra firma and we got drenched but she got to poop and I got to see a glimpse of these towns. We stopped in Juneau at about 4am and it was definitely not very scenic in the dark but at least was not raining. I had moved forward because of an influx of kids on fieldtrip in my aft quarters to what would have been a lounge with alcohol served in another time.


Soon we’ll arrive in Haines. I’ve enjoyed the respite of this unusual space, the levels and length of it, the cafeteria, the funky movies, the folks I’ve talked with, the rare sighting of whales or dolphins. It is a completely safe and controlled environment that soon I will leave for my own devices. This has been an adventure but the true adventure really begins when I have to start navigating on my own and budgeting to stay on for some weeks. I have this to look forward to in reverse in a month or so.



Washington, Saved by the Goldsmiths

20170723_115311I entered Washington via Ferry from Westport, Or to Puget Island and over the Columbia by bridge. ‘Spent one night vegging out on TV at a Motel 6 in Kelso (after a long warm afternoon charging at the Berry Patch Restaurant in Westport.) In the morning I charged without incident in Castle Rock Washington, a sweet little town on the Cowlitz River and then made it up to the Eastcreek RV Park for the next night. 20170724_064300_Burst01

Then today began.

First I lost some of my charge going the wrong way out of the RV park then I drove away from Mt. Rainier instead of toward it… probably another mistake.20170724_123234_Burst01

I thought I was going to have a leisurely drive to an RV park in Puyallup but that town sprawled for miles and when I got where I was going I didn’t want to be there so then I started looking for a charger.

So I followed an app to Federal Way. Apparently there was one in a mall but I could not find it. I was used to the big green towers of Plug Share in Oregon and EV signage… neither of which Washington has. After that I tried at a Fred Meyers in the community of Kent, again struggling through lots of traffic but still on my original RV park charge. That’s when I met up with Blink.

Blink seems to have the Washington market. They are slender, nondescript gray towers. The first one didn’t work at all and the next one gave instructions I couldn’t follow so I called, took a brief survey before the line hung up on me. No Blink for me.


At that point I called friends from Chico, Steve and Charlotte Goldsmith, who have a summer home in Kirkland. To get to them I had to drive about 25 miles on gas but I was absolutely done by the time I’d called them. I’d tried RV parks and Airbnbs and come up with nothing. It was time to ask to be rescued and now the car is charging from their garage and Selkie and I are in hog heaven after being fed and having a lively conversation with people I actually know and like! What a Lucky turn of events!


I have now signed up for a guest Blink account and are feeling more confident for the last leg of Washington that lies ahead. So Grateful for these Good People!



The Oregon Coast

The Oregon Coast has been a beautiful blur. I especially liked the last miles I travelled last night between the Tillamook Fred Meyers and the Cannon Beach R.V. Park where I spent the night in the car because of their no tent policy. The magic of the state starts for me with the huge rocks off Pistol River — I recall the same thrill in 2007.


I’ve been hours and hours charging. My first charge after Klamath was in Port Orford where there isn’t much to do. I did cause a bit of a stir–  You know how they show the boy scout leading the old lady across the street? Selkie and I were idling on a corner of Hwy 101 as I deliberated walking over to the grocery store. A biker “dude” (ie stereotypic Harley kind of big guy,) stopped to let me walk across the street, someone went around him. He got pissed and tried to slow the next car down with his hand then on the third car he swerved and turned his bike parallel into the traffic. At that point I sprinted across the street and blew out some weak Thanks yous in an embarrassed attempt to escape possible bloodshed from his unwanted chivalry.

After that I camped (and charged) outside of Bandon but woke in the morning to steady drizzle. It was my first real experience with a conundrum. My tent was wet and everything was going to get wetter in loading the car… what would I do if it was two or more days like this? I managed to get on a charger at an RV park next to Siltcoos Lake later in the day but it wasn’t much of a charge because I couldn’t wait it out. (Long story.. unsure if it is worth telling.)


I thought I was going to be able to charge in Reedsport but the message I got from the AeroVironment (AKA Plug Share) phone connection line was they were updating software and to try again tomorrow. (AeroVirnoment, besides having chargers up the coast also has tactical surveillance and killer military drones… quite the irony for me.)

After running some on gas I made it into a KOA in Waldport for the night and charged up there enough to make it to Lincoln City where I found a Charge Point charger and had a sweet short walk to the beach to watch over a hundred lounging seals at the inlet of the Siletz Bay. That took me to Tillamook where I doodled around trying to find a reservation for last night. The weekends in summer are seriously crunched with visitors along this stretch closest to Portland and I was very grateful to have been able to sleep on the lot here by the charger.

Today I’m on to Astoria at the mouth of the mighty Columbia River then inland to my next charger at Westport. Last night the glint of the light on the sea and the constant rolling turns put me in a state of muted bliss. This is really the place to be in summer… I should have and didn’t stay longer and for that I have regret… will there be a next time?

Just FYI, here’s what a fully charged Volt dash looks like (the green column) but I keep very little gas (blue column) because it just adds weight.  Having a full charge is such a satisfying feeling.  Now, out of the Rec Room with little kids playing pool behind me (and getting jabbed a few times by accidental pool cues,) and out onto the road.



10 years on… Slow Volting this time

coffee shop saying

It took three days to get from Chico to Arcata. First night to Lee Rigg’s where I only got 35 EVs, then to Bigfoot RV near Junction City where I got 50, then a blessed quick charge in Willow Creek at a bonified charging station which brought me to Arcata.

Angela is one of my oldest friends but I’ve known her kids since they were babies, so all their lives. We’ve never been close but I care deeply about them and now that they are 18 they are seriously simmering in potential and danger. I have almost forgotten how this feels as Orien is a full on adult now at twice their age.

Angela and Raymond 7-17Angela and Lin 7-17, age 18

Angela and I have talked about death since we were 18. We spoke of the Abyss, the Void and the Great Sadness in those days but I have gone on to explore these realms as Universality, the Space of Consciousness and Transcendence. When we are together we still send feelers out into how we are declining, what we might do to end it if it becomes intolerable, what a mess we may leave behind… all fun stuff but needing attention or we wouldn’t periodically get together to check in on these seemingly depressing projections. Today there was an article in the Chronicle about Alzheimer’s and word finding and “ums” as a predecessor of the disease… we circled that topic with our concerns too—how do you know when to pull the plug?

Selkie and I left Arcata with 64 EVs and a good score of plus 250MPG. We made it to this RV park on the Klamath River at 3pm with one EV to spare. The sweet cool beauty of the coast with the peekaboo sun and lovely coastal fuchsia and nasturtium bring peace to me after struggling with the heat for these first months of summer.


I left July 15th in keeping with the 10 year anniversary of the start of the Veggie Voyage. ( The Slow Volt may speed up in Oregon where there are chargers at regular intervals and I won’t have to rely on 12 hour fixes from 120v outlets. My job in all this is to stay conscious… not to mess up with the car or lose anything but also to treat each precious moment as sacred because now I know for sure there aren’t all that many more left. (I turned 70 last month.) My other job is to make the ferry in Bellingham at 3pm on the 28th and this is to be achieved on all electric charge in honor of our historical loop around the lower 48 on straight veggie oil in 2007-2008.  Here’s a photo from our 7/15/2007 launch—-


(I know, I didn’t mention Michael once! I had to stop blogging because I felt like I was repeating myself and wallowing but now I’m ready to start again with this Answering2Life project. Photos from this trip are up on facebook now. Peace to you good reader.) 




Just saw the film, The Lady in the Van. In the film Maggie Smith is interacted with primarily by a person who lives a split life, one as a writer and one as a liver. Whenever I’m thinking about writing something I split like that fellow although never so elegantly that we stand at the window and look down our glasses in quite such an erudite and frustrated way.

In my case I think of a topic and I start to make my case. I don’t write in my mind full time so don’t have that maddening extra self. The case in point today is about my day which has turned out fine in every way despite the topic burden… I even lucked into being with my friend Caroline at the movie.

So, today’s installment is mainly about my capitulation in the matter of Dieselgate. You may or may not know that Michael and I looped the US on veggie oil in 2007 and 2008 for roughly 10 months but we ran our truck on veggie oil well before that and up until a week before he died. B Same VV ProcessMy 2006 VW Golf was bought as a veggie car (special heaters, lines and a second tank,) but Michael had to take the two tank system off because I had problems with stalling. I have continued to run it on bio-diesel (most recently solely Thanks to Springboard Biodiesel a quarter mile from my home,) and I’m committed to using waste grease to run my vehicles- zero carbon. (At least until I am so old I can make do on a solar car.) Michael bought the Suzuki to convert it to a diesel engine even though it ran rough when he bought it… That vehicle has eluded all mechanical fathoming, no one can figure out how to get it to smog. (Eventually I’ll sneak over the state line and sell it, I guess, but it’s the vehicle I really want—four wheel drive, high clearance and long enough to sleep in… but alas, old, high miles, relatively poor MPG and GAS compared with the VW…) In my mind’s eye I pictured that I was going to get a Jetta, Passat or Toureg wagon that I could camp in (realizing the clearance issue would be a huge limitation on the first two and the affordability would limit me with the really impractically too-big Toureg.) Then the emissions scandal hit. Volkswagon completely outdid itself in criminality—85,000 vehicles running 40 times the allowed nitrous oxide levels! You could say breath-taking and mean it! So, buying and running any of those vehicles would be wrong (my Golf isn’t reliable but at least it was not in the recall years,) and Volkswagon still hasn’t come up with its recall plan, nor how it will be paid for. The car I want is being dumped on Craig’s List all over the country but I can’t buy one and just sit on it and hope for the best.

The whole idea was to go visit Orien after our protest at Creech Air Force Base after Easter then go back up to Utah for Michael’s birthday… to be in red-rock country. IMG_6580(No, there are no other affordable diesels and I don’t want a truck. I don’t want a hybrid… that’s still gas.) So I’ll be in a carpool to Creech in a hybrid and come home after the action. I’m becoming resigned that every strong longing I have doesn’t have to be satisfied.

I did let myself leap into a few lesser indulgences today though. There was nothing at all on my calendar so I did my usual thing at home but also planted clover and alyssum in the mist, before the big expected rain dump this weekend. IMG_9750 I also took myself to breakfast after yoga (one little thought I’ll mention, I got a News and Review and actually thought, “I’ll read one in the restaurant and bring one home for Michael“ before I could catch myself.)

Lastly, this rain that is coming will be a blizzard in the mountains. A big part of me strains to be up there but without at least the Suzuki (still with the mechanic,) it’s not safe nor practical. Dr.+King+weekend+037 I pull to do the things I want and fret ahead of the days with nothing scheduled but still today was a treat, perhaps because I made it one at some expense, but it was beautiful and enjoyable after working Monday and Tuesday this week and some intense things going on in our world and locally. I can’t deflect the silence, make myself be particularly social, nor always get what I want, but I can enjoy all the little things that flesh out a perfect day like today.



Panorama of Heartaches


This is the last night of Safe Space. I feel guilty about it although I have no added responsibility to have it be any different than it is. 50 homeless people go back out into the uncertainty of street life after winter shelter ends. So what? It hurts is what. I care about many of these people as individuals. I get their quirks and snatches of their stories. They show up inside my heart like friends do even if I’m not sure we are friends. It hurts me to think of them suffering or in danger. It angers me that we have nothing more to offer. It seems we have built something.. maybe it is paternalistic and not always so smooth sailing but it has worked. Now, back to square one.. Nameless, faceless homeless. It just is not right!!!!

There are two more things bothering me. One is another helplessness thing… the situation in Syria. Everyone but the Syrians themselves are bad guys to me. One segment of the Left supports Russia and Assad against the US, the mainstream media supports the US, Turkey, Saudi Arabia… I think they all have so much blood on their hands they are slippery and stained with it. One hundred years ago it was the Armenians.. millions. Now I don’t know if this is ethnic cleansing or just plain proxy wars but the suffering is so vast my mind shorts out at the scope of it.  I am restless and trying to pull against the weight of the suffering but it is getting me down even as I realize it is not my own and perhaps I can’t do much about it. What are we supposed to do though? What about our moral responsibility to control our own nation state?

Oh yes, we Beale “trespassers” have warrants to be back in court again on March 8th, International Women’s Day. Oh yes, I’ll be back on the phone on Monday about Syria and back at Beale demonstrating against the drones which are a big part of the inhumanity.

Today I went to a Celebration of Life for Fran Farley. I saw him in winter when he was at Farmer’s Market with a walker. He seemed as personable as ever but definitely fragile. He died in December. I don’t know from what. At 92 you don’t really need a reason. Today I hugged his wife Juanita and she was just bones. She said, “I keep remembering what you said and now I know.” What the hell did I say? The power of words to move from person to person even as they leave the mouth of the speaker forever… That poor woman. 62 years of marriage. All I could write to her in the card I sent was something stupid like don’t forget to breathe… nothing means anything anymore. What is automatic is foreign. What meant something is flat and devoid of meaning. It is such a stark and odd landscape. Fran stands out in his livingness. In his goodness. Poor Juanita to be left behind in his wake. I assume it is good to have three kids and seven grand-kids. I hope so.


I know I’ve written a lot today about things I express that I can’t stand or that pain me emotionally. Yet here I am. If I tune in to myself the tension and sorrow are all in my head and chest. I had a beautiful day. The day was beautiful and I was in it and one with it. It started off early at Safe Space loving on those people, then Selkie and I walked with one of the other volunteers in Upper Park, then I went to our satisfying Farmers market cornucopia then home to do planting of succulent and iris transplants and calla lily bulbs. I took this gorgeous blossom photo at sunset. Soon I’ll leave for a Cuba Benefit. I think I write out of emotional pain but have to remind myself that that is not all I am or all I feel. Somewhere in me there is balance and I just need to find and maintain it as all these things come to their own conclusions, I know that looking back on all the other awful things that I lived through and railed against in the past. My suffering is only the world banging around in my rather vacated mind. I can let go, fight, or both. The words are just something it helps me to say/write, so Thank you, don’t worry about me on top of other burdens you might carry.















I’m at Mill Creek in a little cabin with faucets running (to prevent broken pipes.) There is no TV or wifi or frills but it was nice to know I didn’t have to return to Chico tonight and that the people here knew and cared about Michael. What is ironic is that Northstate Rendering, our competitor for veggie oil now picks up their oil. This little loop, between here, the restaurant in Mineral and Child’s Meadows was our most reliable source of veggie oil. (There is a new resort up here, sucking what life there was from the Child’s Meadow business. It’s right across the street and the parking lot is packed. I’m sure the renderers could smell them from Chico. I will never, ever go there.)

Speaking of my never, evers: I am bored with my clothes. I haven’t bought anything new since the Bangladesh fire, three years ago. Since then it’s been thrift stores for me and at size 18 there is little that fits and looks nice. I was putting wrist bands on people as they came into the KZFR concert the other night (part of my volunteer responsibilities,) and noticed how tiny the wrists were of the women. (I never notice that when I’m doing exams which is strange… some part of my body image thinks I am the same size as other women… I’m not.) My big Nordic wrists are more like the men. Actually, that whole Nina Gerber and Chris Brown concert was part of why I needed a reset. I was bored to the basement of my being despite their lovely personalities and excellent musicianship. During the break I didn’t move. People were visiting, talking and laughing and I felt like Kafka. It was like watching aliens from an alienation bubble with a clock that was not moving on the wall.

On the other hand, Safe Space (our local temporary winter shelter run by volunteers,) never ceases to keep me interested. The guests are so variable. Some have such dignity with the crammed conditions and being thrown in with the more unstable. Others are just such characters, others so flawed and broken, others such obvious users and movers—the high and helpful. Some just weigh on me with worry about them. However they got in the fix they are in they seem so blameless in the midst of being at the effect of the disability they now suffer. I will really miss Safe Space when it ends with February. I think quite a few of us have made it the center of our social existences.

Where was I? (DRIP< DRIP etc) Riparia is beautiful and every day I feel restless. What am I supposed to be doing? I am doing a lot but still not organizing my stuff, getting rid of M’s stuff nor facing all that Power of Attorney paperwork that a responsible adult needs to complete. I putter outside and enjoy whatever pruning, weeding, mulching, transplanting I’m doing but just do that a chunk daily so there will always be a ready supply of dirt work to grace every day. I love the late winter and the quince, pussy willow, grass explosion. I see beauty and am taken by the light on things with the same old awe but nothing keeps me satisfied. I hate the evenings when I try to find things to watch on TV or the Roku because I’m too tired to do other things but it’s too early for bed.

Today we went up to Wilson Lake, Selk and I. It’s about a three mile ski in. About 5 snow mobiles were in play on the road while we did our long way up into the lake and back out (their whining and stink a great unfortunate sacrilege.) Michael and I had skied into that lake and camped along it about half a dozen times. I have indelible memories of a heavy smoke visit, ethereal mists, moonrises, geese calling, traversing the iced over lake behind him when I didn’t think it was safe. The lake that is mostly meadow and wandering rivulets. Today I sat for a long time and just watched the play of pure light and shadow on the snow before skiing back the entire meadow before getting back on the road that parallels it. On the way down the meadow I called out the OOO OOO that we used to call between us when we had gotten separated and wanted to find each other… my strong solo voice came back off the hillside facing. The reset I needed though happened between two creeks… it stopped me and played me back into aliveness again. Simple harmonics of the joyful play of life without meaning or marking time.

Tomorrow I’ll snowshoe down to the Mill Creek trail and see what goes there. I’ll miss a meditation in the morning for lack of phone signal but will continue that connectedness that found me today that has me at such peace now. . (As it turned out I left my cell phone down there and can’t access any of my Wilson Lake photos… so here is one Selfie of Selkie from upper Bidwell park last week.)





I’ve put off blogging til my last night here in Mt. Shasta. I was just watching coverage from the east coast blizzard and realized I was starting to get a little loggy from the beer I sat down with when Selkie and I came back from the library. Must write. Must write….

Beautiful little Sisson meadow owned by the Siskiyou Land Trust is right across the street from where I’m staying. (The photo is shot from the driveway.) Walking up to the library this afternoon was such a sweet little journey.


Earlier in the day we went up the lower Sand Flat trail for maybe a mile. I’ve just finished the Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert. You can guess what that is about and how dire it is but the audio book was fascinating and on the long slog through deep sticky snow with unwaxed skis I thought about the curiosity in Homo Sapiens that would bring an old widow woman over a hundred miles from home to come out during a Travel Advisory to ski off by herself on an unknown trail. Kolbert theorizes that the Neanderthals, had they prevailed, might never have created art, pushed to develop new and better tools, nor exterminated species as we humans have throughout time. Now with species extinction happening on the scale of one every 100 minutes we are just watching our own demise despite the efforts to keep endangered species alive with extraordinary measures and to slow climate change. That drive of ours, that curiosity, will always push us forward into what is already set in motion– a human caused great extinction event to rival any that came before. I’m fairly numb to it even though I worship the creatures I live beside.


Last night I went to see the Revenant (what does that mean, the Revenant?) It was filmed in some of the places Michael and I have been in the rainforests of B.C. and in Kanansakis County, Alberta. The story was brutal and really unbelievable (no Dorothy, you might survive a bear attack but you won’t survive staying in frigid water for more than a few minutes and without gloves in freezing conditions you will have no hope of saving your fingers…) What connects to what I was just writing is that the crew and horses were airlifted to 8000 feet for one scene, a bomb was set off to cause a picturesque avalanche and when there wasn’t enough snow the whole kitten-caboodle film shoot went to Tierra del Fuego. Such are we capable of to make a basic bloody revenge movie.


During the day yesterday Selk and I went (yes, drove on gas,) up to the Old Ski Bowl that is a couple of miles by ski above Bunny Flats (parking lot at about 7,000 ft) and about a 600 ft gain in elevation. Michael and I used to scoot that pretty easily and then ski around on the bowl for some runs (him in what I would call the most relaxed and satisfied and at home way while I made huge long shallow passes and kick turns to decrease my speed to slightly faster than walking, tense and always intimidated by the slightest dip.) In September I released some of his ashes on the far lip of the bowl. Yesterday it was enough for me to look at that ridge, eat my peanut butter sandwich and turn back… I felt like getting there had been a supreme effort and I wasn’t going any further than having the bowl in my mind’s eye and my real eye. Everything was in gray scale and the only sound was the occasional stinking snowmobile. I haven’t seen the outline of the peak of Mt. Shasta since I came because of the weather. (But refer to the last post here for a shot of Michael and Sasha on a snowmobile out on the bowl not so many years ago. By my Veggie Voyagers posting I can see our last time together alive on Shasta was April 3, 2013… just before that huge surgery to try to remove the cancer…) M and Lassen 2-27-13 019

I must say something more important. Every once in a while I would stop and just allow stillness to inhabit my breath, my body and the empty expanse that unites what is sentient in me with the great empty stillness spirit of the mountain. In those moments were reams, expanses, eons… the reason for life and the kindred of death. That is why I am drawn there and why I mourn a bit leaving tomorrow.