Without a doubt

Or, In a World where people are killed for belonging to the wrong tribe or being part of the wrong religion without a doubt a slight by an in-law should count for really very little but still that’s what I snuffled around with today. The “poor me” meter hit the bells and the clanging left me practically deaf but then the good started piling up and my head unclogged…

I want to do an Amtrak 30 day loop to see family and friends and had figured in a very mellow two day stop with M’s family but when I wrote to see how that would be I got uninvited because I’d “spread Michael’s death all over the internet.” (If it went viral it was news to me.) At any rate it made me remember how he wanted me to post about his illness… I was the one that was hesitant… then when he was dying I had hopes that the combined force of our love, prayers, thoughts would assist his soul and at the end the stark reality of him wrapped in my friend’s weaving was just so jarring and difficult I could not resist the cold terminal reality of him, my dear lively husband, shrouded and still. Apparently it offended them terribly. And there it will be. I gave them the ultimatum to recognize the fabric of our connection or don’t. I assume it is easier for them to just stay the course so that’s that for my relationship with his family.

Soon after that my cousin wrote from St. Paul about how excited they were I was coming and it just felt completely redemptive. Tony, my lost mechanic, finally wrote about why he hasn’t shown up (not why he didn’t tell me why he didn’t show up,) and that helped me clear some air.  Dan showed up to work on the project that Tony had dumped and finally tonight in a purely angelic act, Max and Elliot showed up to move my wood pile out to the edge of a back field so I’d be free of ugly rat habitat!

Without a doubt those hinges of suffering swing. Without a doubt the shifts can be sudden and surprising.

I’m grateful that tomorrow Flora, Zenon and I are tackling another area that needs a redemptive removal. Today I saw in the shifts of the day some sort of cosmic symmetry… something to use if I had the facility of comedic timing or just the good sense to write it down for future musing. AKA More blogging Michael’s death all over the internet! IMG_8182


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