Not much to say

IMG_6033 I gave away the hot tub. To another veteran. IMG_6943Next certainly will be the cab-over-camper.

I got lonely at some point today. Sensing the raw vacancy of that. I’ve been over the same ground lots of times so maybe it isn’t worth saying again. I visited a sick friend today… she’s not dying of cancer either. We are so engaged in living I’m not sure where the luxury of not preparing for death really becomes notable. Death itself isn’t so hard for a meditator… or so we think… but for those of us still here parting from all the “thingnesses” a person leaves behind is still tough, despite a certain endurance that builds in with time.

I don’t like to go out at night, especially alone, so this is the time, when I am a little tired and dulled. that time stretches and the silence closes in. When I sense into it it’s as transparent as cardboard. There is a texture like a headache… some kind of vacuum for freshness and aliveness that taps back just the fiber of my own complaint.

Standard

2 thoughts on “Not much to say

  1. ruby perry says:

    Chris, You are touching something so beautiful here. “We are so engaged in living I’m not sure where the luxury of not preparing for death really becomes notable.” I am so sorry that it is arising from the dark headache space, but it also seems that you are entering such creative space. Thank you for writing, I will keep reading.

    Like

  2. Thanks Ruby. My friend Weezie said she thought I was making a plea for evening dates out but that really wasn’t it. Today shifted when I worked hard physically out on the hedgerow border. I was beginning to think I was growing seriously funky but I’m grateful for shifts that move me past the stuck places… Happy Mothers Day!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s