Five Months and counting

Five months. Five years. Soon M will be younger than me. I’m headed out Monday to Creech AFB for drone protest but will hang around Arizona and Utah til his birthday.

IMG_9446 The loss has a low tone.. a tooth ache you forget when you stay active but that no dentist can treat. It just sort of drones on in the background of life. None of it seems right or makes any sense but all of it demands absolute fealty. I’m moving through this beautiful spring, getting ready to leave for six weeks with some trepidation. I don’t seem to be able to organize my thoughts very well and the confusion bothers me. I keep thinking the discipline and simplicity of the road life will shake me out of my cobwebs but it could actually feel more disconcerting. I’ll have to see. I’m committed and almost ready… a certain Ms. Selkie Pike needs a bath, the house needs a sweeping and I have to cram a few more things into the car. Nothing really holds me here except the comfort of my bed and the warmth of my home.

IMG_5786Creech will be intense. I’ll try to post from there. Folks did a soft blockade at Beale the other day… our monthly drone protest. The anger of the base employees trying to get to their jobs at the business of war frightens me. I don’t know what will stop the insanity of this Endless War scenario but ending the drone killings and the drone program are what must be done so I hang in with all the good activists in hopes of making an impact. Life is one big experiment and I throw my lot in with the peace makers, organizers and cultural creatives in hopes of survival beyond my own generation.

Even if sometimes we lose. Usually we lose. But who knows how it would have been had we not tried.

I’m sure I miss Michael and that my life has been a good one and that’s enough for now. IMG_7485

IMG_5807

IMG_5836

Advertisements
Standard

CUBA!

To Cuba with Love Code Pink Delegation

To Cuba with Love Code Pink Delegation

Beautiful Havana

Beautiful Havana

150 of us, including both Orien and I, left the U.S. from Miami on Feb. 8th. We had a packed schedule of meetings with various representatives of sectors of society and government and saw wonderful cultural events– art, music, dance, film and a small slice of nature on the beach and at a bio-reserve called Las Terrazas. We fell in love with the people and now care deeply about the complexities of Cuba’s next steps with US negotiations. They need to be off the Terrorist List (who are the terrorists in the relationship really?) and they need an End to the Embargo. In the meantime we hope more tourists will go to help their struggling economy…

img_5236[1]I loved being with Orien… we were together part of the time and apart for part of it but both of us were sharing this vital experience and I really appreciate that she took her time to go with me.

img_5530[1]On Valentine’s Day morning I experienced Michael’s soul quietly intertwined with my own. No lights. No sirens; but a sure thing. After that my human Valentine and I joined a busload or our fellow and sister Code Pinkers to enjoy a chilly Caribbean and later  that night partied with our hosts into the night.

I want to go back. I want Orien to be happy as she now moves on to language school in Guatemala. My heart is full with the beauty of my human family and the larger human family which we must constantly love and tend as we would those closest to us.

Cuba, a nation of 11+ million on an island < the size of Louisiana.

Cuba, a nation of 11+ million on an island < the size of Louisiana.

Standard

Another shift

IMG_4221IMG_4680IMG_4006Orien left today. I drove her to the airport and then was late for work. I know I’ll see her in a week in Florida but she will never be back in Chico the way she has been. She’s going to Spanish school in Guatemala after our Cuba trip and then looking for another job elsewhere… restarting her life which she put on hold, in some ways, for us.

She came to live here from San Francisco when Michael got sick and got very involved in her work practicing criminal law locally. Still, even though she  was usually in veg mode when she came over she usually has spent at least one evening with us, then me, a week. I’m now hip to most of the serials on Hulu due to her hunt for good characters and good story lines.

It’s more than just someone to couch potato with. It just leaves another gap in my life…. we often went out for meals together or with her dad and Penni, Sheldon’s woman friend. I always cherished the camaraderie. I think both Sheldon and I craved her company and I am missing her already. I do, however, want her to be healthy and happy and moving along with her own life. (This is just a little sulk. It reminds me I need to reach out more to others and not be so dependent.) Good Luck Orien! I Love You.

Standard